beat with a cudgel (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} confusticate) wrote,@ 2007-08-24 23:22:00 |
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paranoia meme
all real peoplz. each number is an inside joke, therefore obvious. (i hate how real people take up all my time)
1. it's surprising to me sometimes that we've stayed friends for this long (and that you're number one in my list). we have hardly anything in common and our conversations are often spectacles unheard of in polite society. you are not a lesbian. you are not, you insist adamantly and (hell) i believe you. you're just really gay is all. i am sometimes worried about you (that you let your friends get in the way of being everything you could be) but most times i'm just happy to know you.
2. i don't understand how i can enjoy your company most of the time (the times we don't talk, or the times we don't talk about anything seriously) and completely hate you the rest. it isn't difficult (you make it extraordinarily easy) and i never regret the palpable feeling of absolute loathing. namely because i know i can't hate you forever (it's illegal, or something). i'm happy that we talk about things and that the things that matter to us are more or less the same. i may be cruel and much too crude at times (you pay be back in spades, anyway) but the only reason for this is that i know we'll always be okay. (thank you for the music, buddy boy)
3. we have an entirely groundless friendship (rendezvouses to restaurant chains and eating breakfast for lunch do not count) and it doesn't seem to bother either of us. we're happy being inane and verbally violent (physically at times, in your case). i can't remember how many times i've been sidetracked by you and perhaps there's some initial resentment fostering in the furrows of my forehead, but i'm grateful for every hideous, offensive joke we share (at your expense or mine). i can project all of my disappointments (my rage, my disgust, the complete and utter pitiable nature of my being) unto you and you'll always bounce back with more (selfishly speaking, i don't know if i appreciate this or not). secretly, i love you.
4. i don't understand you. i don't understand how you can subject yourself to this silent form of suffering. i can feel the quiet desperation from across the table and it hurts me, makes me angry, makes me impatient at times. you aren't being marginalized; you aren't being oppressed. i don't understand how or why you suffer; is it because of love? or some fabricated grade-school ideal similar to it? i don't know. i just want you to be happy, that's all.
5. you're white. hahahaha. that never gets old. that and the fact that everything wrong in the universe is your fault (global warming, conflict in the middle east, david beckham's dreadlocks). i'm sometimes afraid to express to other people how much you mean to me, because you know how emotionally stunted and repressed i am. i adore you completely and life would be a darker (lolzz, you know, in a sort of "you light up my life" sort of way) place, even though i know that you'd prefer for it to be that way. if you aren't touched by this, i will bleed black roses and find solace in the arms of a member of the clergy! you know that i'm incapable of expressing the true extent of my emotions and that i put anything that means everything under the veil of poorly conceived humor and desperate sarcasm. it should be pretty obvious by now, but i'm happiest knowing that you're in my life bb. (but you're weird sometimes, just saying)
6. you are the anomaly. the difference between last year and any other. i'm still surprised that we're friends and i'm convinced that we will cease to be eventually (by my next, next birthday, perhaps). i love you enough to commit adultery, to allocate my time specifically to include you, regardless of my self-imposed exile. i think you're so great and i'm amazed that there are still people like you out there. it scares me to think that i get attached to (some) people so easily and on a mournful, somber note, i think i've changed and that you've helped bring out that change in me. i adore you completely, utterly, unequivocally, unconditionally, but i think you can be selfish sometimes. that doesn't change the fact that you're fantastic.
7. you are one of the people i miss something terrible. i think i was a terrible friend to you the last few years that you were here. i ignored you sometimes; i didn't maybe look you in the eyes and it still bothers me now that i only showed how much you meant to me on the day that you left, on the few days that we talk. we talk about the best things, the nothings and it's always so gratifying, so heart-warming and pleasant enough to yield a smile on my face that we're not much different, but that we haven't stayed the same. i love you even if i never see you, even if i never might again (but that's just me being pessimistic). i miss you, you know.
8. you are another person i miss, and think about constantly. our friendship is grounded on false ethnicity and fucked up nomenclature (we win, we win, we win). i think you're fabulous, everyone does, but you're immature as fuck, still. but i can tell you're growing up; you're growing up and i might not be able to experience it first hand, but i love that we still talk and that we can still open up to one another. i love you; i wish i could be with you or that you could be with me. it seems like every moment we spent together had an unwritten ending and it gives me enough hope to know that you'll be in my life for a very long time.
9. i don't think you like me very much. and i'm sorry for that. there's nothing i can do to change who i am, how i act. most people seem to like me and maybe that is where the problem lies. i'm sorry if i make you feel bad; it's entirely unintentional and i hate that we've already been through this. we never did find that solution and here we are again.
10. i miss you too, and i worry about you. i'm afraid that you are unhappy or that something is wrong and that you're keeping all your cards pressed to your chest. i'm not asking you to open up to me; i'm asking you to be happy and not to worry. you are entitled to sadness, but even though i like you best when you are happy, know that i will always love you.
11. i hate you. most of the time. you're pleasant sometimes and it forces me to be pleasant (even if i don't want to be), because i'm afraid that if i express my true sentiments towards you a volcano will erupt, a dam will burst, a tremor will register 8.0 on the richter, and a baby seal will be clubbed (simultaneously) and i'll have to deal with all this fucked up backlash for a careless, casual remark and you're inability to gauge the degree of seriousness of a situation. you overreact and if you let go of your unfunny histrionics, we could actually be friends. i'm sorry if you're misunderstood, but all the great villains were.
12. i'm always happy that you're there and i'm sorry for all your bad luck. you're one of the most important people in my life and i know that we can be happy without anything, doing nothing, disregarding everything. sometimes, things aren't okay between us and that's fine. i know, i know, you'll always be there.
13. be nice to her, okay? (she's been through a lot and i know you aren't like that)
14. i don't even know you, but i despise you already. you've basically warped the perceptions people have on me by simply being and i feel as though we cannot coexist peacefully. sure, it's a great ego trip (in a faux-lesbian, piss-take sort of way) when i call people out on how they feel for you (which subconsciously means that they've always been attracted to me), but could you please get a face transplant, change all your mannerisms and just be someone else completely? is that too much to ask, stranger?
15. i love you both and that's all i can say. you mean so much more to me and anything i can show you, anything i can give you in return, anything i can tell you or convince you with-- it's all inadequate and i want nothing more than to make you happy. i love being loved and you are the best suppliers. life has given me some great things and i'd count you there at the top of the list.
cue panic mode in t-minus ten, nine, eight, seven...
all real peoplz. each number is an inside joke, therefore obvious. (i hate how real people take up all my time)
1. it's surprising to me sometimes that we've stayed friends for this long (and that you're number one in my list). we have hardly anything in common and our conversations are often spectacles unheard of in polite society. you are not a lesbian. you are not, you insist adamantly and (hell) i believe you. you're just really gay is all. i am sometimes worried about you (that you let your friends get in the way of being everything you could be) but most times i'm just happy to know you.
2. i don't understand how i can enjoy your company most of the time (the times we don't talk, or the times we don't talk about anything seriously) and completely hate you the rest. it isn't difficult (you make it extraordinarily easy) and i never regret the palpable feeling of absolute loathing. namely because i know i can't hate you forever (it's illegal, or something). i'm happy that we talk about things and that the things that matter to us are more or less the same. i may be cruel and much too crude at times (you pay be back in spades, anyway) but the only reason for this is that i know we'll always be okay. (thank you for the music, buddy boy)
3. we have an entirely groundless friendship (rendezvouses to restaurant chains and eating breakfast for lunch do not count) and it doesn't seem to bother either of us. we're happy being inane and verbally violent (physically at times, in your case). i can't remember how many times i've been sidetracked by you and perhaps there's some initial resentment fostering in the furrows of my forehead, but i'm grateful for every hideous, offensive joke we share (at your expense or mine). i can project all of my disappointments (my rage, my disgust, the complete and utter pitiable nature of my being) unto you and you'll always bounce back with more (selfishly speaking, i don't know if i appreciate this or not). secretly, i love you.
4. i don't understand you. i don't understand how you can subject yourself to this silent form of suffering. i can feel the quiet desperation from across the table and it hurts me, makes me angry, makes me impatient at times. you aren't being marginalized; you aren't being oppressed. i don't understand how or why you suffer; is it because of love? or some fabricated grade-school ideal similar to it? i don't know. i just want you to be happy, that's all.
5. you're white. hahahaha. that never gets old. that and the fact that everything wrong in the universe is your fault (global warming, conflict in the middle east, david beckham's dreadlocks). i'm sometimes afraid to express to other people how much you mean to me, because you know how emotionally stunted and repressed i am. i adore you completely and life would be a darker (lolzz, you know, in a sort of "you light up my life" sort of way) place, even though i know that you'd prefer for it to be that way. if you aren't touched by this, i will bleed black roses and find solace in the arms of a member of the clergy! you know that i'm incapable of expressing the true extent of my emotions and that i put anything that means everything under the veil of poorly conceived humor and desperate sarcasm. it should be pretty obvious by now, but i'm happiest knowing that you're in my life bb. (but you're weird sometimes, just saying)
6. you are the anomaly. the difference between last year and any other. i'm still surprised that we're friends and i'm convinced that we will cease to be eventually (by my next, next birthday, perhaps). i love you enough to commit adultery, to allocate my time specifically to include you, regardless of my self-imposed exile. i think you're so great and i'm amazed that there are still people like you out there. it scares me to think that i get attached to (some) people so easily and on a mournful, somber note, i think i've changed and that you've helped bring out that change in me. i adore you completely, utterly, unequivocally, unconditionally, but i think you can be selfish sometimes. that doesn't change the fact that you're fantastic.
7. you are one of the people i miss something terrible. i think i was a terrible friend to you the last few years that you were here. i ignored you sometimes; i didn't maybe look you in the eyes and it still bothers me now that i only showed how much you meant to me on the day that you left, on the few days that we talk. we talk about the best things, the nothings and it's always so gratifying, so heart-warming and pleasant enough to yield a smile on my face that we're not much different, but that we haven't stayed the same. i love you even if i never see you, even if i never might again (but that's just me being pessimistic). i miss you, you know.
8. you are another person i miss, and think about constantly. our friendship is grounded on false ethnicity and fucked up nomenclature (we win, we win, we win). i think you're fabulous, everyone does, but you're immature as fuck, still. but i can tell you're growing up; you're growing up and i might not be able to experience it first hand, but i love that we still talk and that we can still open up to one another. i love you; i wish i could be with you or that you could be with me. it seems like every moment we spent together had an unwritten ending and it gives me enough hope to know that you'll be in my life for a very long time.
9. i don't think you like me very much. and i'm sorry for that. there's nothing i can do to change who i am, how i act. most people seem to like me and maybe that is where the problem lies. i'm sorry if i make you feel bad; it's entirely unintentional and i hate that we've already been through this. we never did find that solution and here we are again.
10. i miss you too, and i worry about you. i'm afraid that you are unhappy or that something is wrong and that you're keeping all your cards pressed to your chest. i'm not asking you to open up to me; i'm asking you to be happy and not to worry. you are entitled to sadness, but even though i like you best when you are happy, know that i will always love you.
11. i hate you. most of the time. you're pleasant sometimes and it forces me to be pleasant (even if i don't want to be), because i'm afraid that if i express my true sentiments towards you a volcano will erupt, a dam will burst, a tremor will register 8.0 on the richter, and a baby seal will be clubbed (simultaneously) and i'll have to deal with all this fucked up backlash for a careless, casual remark and you're inability to gauge the degree of seriousness of a situation. you overreact and if you let go of your unfunny histrionics, we could actually be friends. i'm sorry if you're misunderstood, but all the great villains were.
12. i'm always happy that you're there and i'm sorry for all your bad luck. you're one of the most important people in my life and i know that we can be happy without anything, doing nothing, disregarding everything. sometimes, things aren't okay between us and that's fine. i know, i know, you'll always be there.
13. be nice to her, okay? (she's been through a lot and i know you aren't like that)
14. i don't even know you, but i despise you already. you've basically warped the perceptions people have on me by simply being and i feel as though we cannot coexist peacefully. sure, it's a great ego trip (in a faux-lesbian, piss-take sort of way) when i call people out on how they feel for you (which subconsciously means that they've always been attracted to me), but could you please get a face transplant, change all your mannerisms and just be someone else completely? is that too much to ask, stranger?
15. i love you both and that's all i can say. you mean so much more to me and anything i can show you, anything i can give you in return, anything i can tell you or convince you with-- it's all inadequate and i want nothing more than to make you happy. i love being loved and you are the best suppliers. life has given me some great things and i'd count you there at the top of the list.
cue panic mode in t-minus ten, nine, eight, seven...
